Friendships and relationships..

This morning I woke up feeling better and feeling grateful for the day. Unusual for me, I usually jump up out of bed and start from a running position. Today I woke up and spent a few minutes checking out my physical body and then my emotional state. Surprise, surprise, I felt ok.

Even before having a morning drink, I decided to do two things - make some bread, and clear out my spices and herbs cupboard.  Clearing the spices, herbs, seasonings, and dried stuff is lovely. Every herb comes with great smells and happy memories.  Paprika and garlic always get stored next to each other since they are the twins that season my roast chicken, just like they did at my mother's house. All the wintery spices - cinnamon, ginger, cloves, nutmeg and allspice go together so I can reach for them as I bake fruit cakes, pastries, apple pies and cookies.  Juniper berries, now there's an interesting thing. When was the last time I used those?  I know they go into gin, but I have never tried to make my own gin.  Ah yes, those two types of meat I have made - salt (corned) beef and venison.  Juniper can go at the back as it's rarely used.  Finding loads of nori and seaweed at the back of the cupboard makes me remember that my cooking always starts off with healthy and good intentions and then sort of gets lost along the Jewish/American/English way - not a lot of wakame in Jewish cooking. Finding my Indian spice box makes me feel that I immediately want to make a curry for breakfast.  Anyway, I'm almost done, the cupboard looks tidy and organised, every jar is labeled and seems to have a place and I know that it will stay that way for at least a few weeks.

All the reminiscing and thinking about foods and meals I have made also lead me to think about the people for whom I have cooked. I love to cook for people and for me, it is a pretty good way of giving my personal gifts to friends.  I have really wonderful friends from so many different times of my life. I used to compartmentalise my friends and keep them separate. This was because I was not at all sure of who I was. I assumed that if I was totally me then certain of my friends would run screaming in horror. I guess I thought that there were parts of me that were unacceptable to the general public. It's taken me this long to feel able to be who I am (warts and all) with everyone.  It doesn't matter what I weigh, how my hair is, what 'crackpot' cults I belong to, or how much chanting I do - this is me.  When I feel good with myself, then so does everyone else and I know that when I don't feel so easy with myself, then my friends are there to help. It is no small irritation that my mother used to tell me this when I was a teenager!

I am so very lucky. Yes, I have had some crap life changing times but ultimately, I am very blessed.  I have friends in Holland, USA, Germany, Italy, India, France, Canada, Belgium, Israel, and more.  When I was a kid in the Bronx I never imagined that I would have learned from such wonderful teachers and danced with so many fantastic people. I never ever imagined that I would have met and fallen in love with such an extraordinary man and forty years later we could look back and have such joy in our two children.

All in all today is looking to be a pretty good day - and I think I will make a curry with all those spices.