Just Do It!

My day started at 6.45 am. I was looking forward to a lovely hot shower, a cup of coffee and my porridge. First, though, I was happily sitting on the loo, reading the newspaper when all the lights went out. Power cut! Damn, there goes the hot shower, the hairdryer, the coffee maker, the heating, the lights, the WiFi, the clock radio and lots of other things.  So I lit some candles and Ralph phoned the power company to log the cut. They informed us that about 1000 homes were in darkness.  I put my make-up on by candlelight in semi-darkness (cue for joke about how it usually looks like that!) and then the sun rose and daylight arrived. At 9 am the power came on and all was back to normal.

Funny how without all the electric appliances not working my day began  much gentler and slower than usual.  In my car on the way to the second day of the spiritual psychology workshop I chanted along to the words and music of Krishna Das and Deva Premal.  Suddenly I felt really overwhelmed with a sort of sadness and suffused with such an enormous warmth and feeling of love that I actually pulled the car over for a moment to let the feeling settle.  I have felt this way before and it’s a feeling that comes from a good space inside me but it also puzzles and disconcerts me.  It feels like such a huge void and it also feels very full and overflowing.  It is a connect-ness to past, present and who knows what else.  I only know that I learned today that I shouldn’t ignore these times.

In William Bloom’s workshop today he spoke about the times when we feel alive and energetically connected to the flow of everything. He referred to these as ‘wake-up calls’ and said that sometimes we choose to ignore these calls.  He pointed out that perhaps the call wasn’t strong enough for us but that we should pay attention to these times and wake-up and begin to develop our spiritual practice. I know that I have resisted the pull to expand this part of me and this is possibly fear of that uncertainty I talked about yesterday. The specific practice we each can develop hardly matters. Whether that is silent meditation, being in nature, breath-work, or any other route to the spirit – the message for me is clearly just to do it. This has been pretty important for me since I thought I went to this workshop to be instructed as to what to ‘do’ to be more spiritual.  I am beginning to get it. Being not doing. No one is going to give me the answer, but perhaps I can be supported and directed towards the way.

A big learning for me is that the enjoyment and contentment I have in my life is directly in proportion to the amount of uncertainty I am able to live with.

I would like to write more tonight, but, guess what - the power went off again. I’m writing this by candlelight and so far it’s been two hours in the dark.  The house is beginning to get chilly. The candles are burning low and I think I may soon have little choice but to go to bed. It feels positively Dickensian.  I can accept this kind of electricity failure in India, but it seems ridiculous that in 2010, in London, we can’t get the power back on.

And to think, I’m busy with spirituality while the material world can’t even keep the lights on. Sleep peacefully and dream beautifully. I’m off for an early night.