New Year wishes for my kids

I know that by the end of  today's entry I will have embarrassed my kids and I also know that it won't be the first , or last, time. Today I really feel so much heartachingly strong love towards my very adult children. They both live in San Francisco, though my son is visiting us in London now for one more week and I miss him already and long to see my daughter and wish her a happy new year accompanied by a big hug.

Sometimes I really just stand back and look at my kids - these two people, fully formed, with lives and jobs and problems and successes, and wonder, how the hell did that happen?  When did they fly away and become these grown-up people?  Where did those cute little kids go?

In my mind, the babies they were so long ago  are still very much alive and present. Those first steps and first words are really right there in my memory. Yet, the evidence in front of me is that the infants I had are gone and in their place are these adult 'walk-ins', sort of like the babies they once were but very different.  I'm reminded of the escape scenes from the film "The Great Escape' (btw - why wasn't that repeated this Christmas on tv, instead of 4 (!!!) showings of Bridge on the River Kwai?). In the scene I remember, one of the escapees learned just enough German to  get by, a few necessary phrases to sound authentic.  Everything was going fine and then a casual slip of the tongue caused him to be found out.  That's how I feel with my kids. They are adults, they do live independent lives and drink coffee and pay taxes, but occasionally they will say or do some tiny thing and AHA! they're still in there - the kids they used to be.

But my, my, what fine adults they have both turned out to be. My daughter is talented, creative, smart, beautiful, honest and caring. My son is also talented and creative (the apple, of course, never falls far from the tree!), easy with himself and the world and relates so well and so directly with people.  They are both remarkably loving and open. It's a strange thing they are both very different and yet, they are like me (and Ralph).  Each of them has something I recognise as once having belonged to me, some quality or trait that maybe my dad or mum showed too.  Sometimes I berate myself for having passed on my angst, my tendency to find fault and my on-going battle with depression, but luckily my children are intelligent enough to look at their parents and say, 'no thanks, I've seem what those tendencies can lead to, and I want none of it'!

They  both share a spectacular sense of humour and this has often been the saving of all of us.  We have, as a family weathered some pretty tough times and though it's been a struggle we have come through smiling. I think in this family humour is a survival tool.

Despite all the genetic hard-wired madness that I display, both my children have a more balanced view of life. My daughter has an admirable sense of responsibility (didn't get that one from me!) and can be relied on to keep promises and remember friendships. Amazing too that she is so tidy and houseproud - I always said that that trait skipped a generation.  She has taught me to see the lighter side of things and is such a loving support . I hope that I have been able to be a strong mothering support for her too when she's needed it.

My son has a seemingly happy-go-lucky attitude to life - a bit like my brother, but just like my brother, there is a lot more going on under the surface. Yet, his trust in life and people has always paid off, maybe not immediately but in the end things usually come right for him.

I am so very proud of their achievements and their courage.  As the new year begins I want them to enjoy their lives, to make brilliant choices and to have fantastic adventures. I wish them both a life filled with love.