Cheesecake day!

Last night I was just too tired to think straight.  I contemplated writing an entry for the day and realised that I had nothing to say.  Quite a new experience for me, having nothing to say.  Usually I spout any old rubbish rather than say nothing, but the combination of lack of content with total exhaustion left me speechless.

Now, the next morning, I am filled with things to say and the desire to write again.  I am almost certain that this is because I have my final outline for tomorrow's training workshops to complete.  Since I am a bit uncertain about how these sessions will look, the idea of writing my blog instead looks increasingly attractive.  I figure I can delay the inevitable course design for at least another hour.

Today is Shavuot.  This is a Jewish holiday that marks when Moses was given the ten commandments of the Torah on Mount Sinai.  I know this with some certainty because Wikipedia told me so and it is also the festival when we eat, wait for it, CHEESECAKE! This is for sure my favourite festival of the Jewish year.  Any holiday when the recommended foods are cheescake and blintzes is one I will observe.  My cheesecakes are pretty good and have recently had an internationally appreciative audience.  My love of cheesecake is legendary - full fat, cream cheese-based, rich, wonderful cheesecake.  Thus speaks a complete failure at dieting.

The Greek-Cypriot brothers who run my local corner shop offered to sell my cheesecakes.  They actually offered to get me the ingriedients at cost price and then we could split the profits on any sales.  This might tempt me if I could get my head round the idea that I couldn't eat what I baked.  At the moment it is a flattering proposition and at my age, the only proposition I am likely to get, so I am loathe to dismiss it without more consideration.

Shavuot also has a sadder meaning for me.  My son, Ben, died on the night of Shavuot.  I am not a big marker of sad  anniversaries.  I barely remember birthdays, but the fact that Ben's death coincided with a Jewish holiday makes it difficult to forget.  I remember the days of Shavuot going by very slowly since we had to wait till the holiday was over until we could have his funeral. The two days dragged by in a strange limbo state while we all waited.  In the Jewish religion you can't have a funeral on the Sabbath or on festival days so all we could do was wait.  I remember it like it was yesterday and yet it was 26 years ago.  What I remember clearly is cleaning and more cleaning, the floors, the bathroom, polishing taps, vacuuming - anything not to feel what I was feeling.  So this time of year also holds this long ago pain for me and I would like to not remember this today.

So instead I will make a cheesecake to honour the memory of my beautiful little son and the Jewish festival of cheesecake. I will also phone my brother since today is also my baby brother's birthday. My 58 year old, grandad, baby brother.  Much better to remember these life-affirming things today. Happy Birthday, Steve!

Enough procrastinating.  I have to finish my course design.  The sun is shining.  it's warm and spring-like outside, so the sooner I finish my work, the sooner I can go out and enjoy the sunshine.