I wish I was psychic.

I wish I could read the future. It would make my life so simple if I could just predict the next few years.  I could worry less about my meager pension, my spiraling weight, the pains in my elbow and all sorts of small worries that I could foresee the end of, or at least the future state of. 

Alas I am not psychic.  I believe myself to be fairly intuitive and perceptive when it comes to people and their feelings - right here and now, but ask me to predict the state of the weather, or economy or anything bigger than myself and I usually get it wrong.  Hell, I usually don't concern myself with anything outside of my day-to-day world.  I haven't got the time or energy.  When I was a teenager in New York in the swinging 60's, I remember going to a preview of the play 'Hair'.  A friend of mine was in the chorus and I was given tickets.  It was the Easter weekend and the play was due to open later in the week.  The audience was buzzing - Andy Warhol was in the audience and the excitement was palpable.  I loved the play, came out humming the music and immediately pronounced that it would never be a hit.  I thought it was too 'out there' and would only appeal to a minority audience. 'Hair' went on to play internationally for thousands of performances and continues to be a worldwide success.  See - not even slightly psychic.

When I first moved to England I would sometimes have dreams that something bad had happened to a member of my family.  I could barely wait till morning so I could make an expensive transatlantic phone call to check on the well-being of my family.  Inevitably everything was fine and my panic was greeted with amusement.

All of these musings were prompted by a flyer I was handed this morning from 'Psychic Sabrina'.  You've all seen these slips of paper that are pressed into your hands at tube stations or on high streets everywhere.  Apparently this miraculous Sabrina can cure EVERYTHING and within days.  Wow! This sounds fantastic! Where is she?

Psychic Sabrina has over 30 years of experience and will destroy your problems before they destroy you.  An offer so good I am surprised that Sabrina does not have offices on Harley Street and a full client roster.  As it is she seems to be based at a low rent area near a local tube station. 

I wonder if Psychic Sabrina could have foreseen that the visit of my plumber today to fix my boiler, since it decided to act foolishly yesterday and not work,  was actually the fault of the thermostat.  Could Sabrina have told me that the thermostat only needed new batteries and that I would feel like a complete idiot in front of the plumber, and even more idiotic since, as a woman, I hate to admit that I can't cope with machines or technology. It took the plumber three minutes to open the stat, change the batteries, re-programme the bloody thing and pronounce the boiler fixed. Psychic Sabrina, where were you when I needed you?

On a more serious note, I wish I could see what the future holds for my father.  He has bounced back from his broken hip and is recovering slowly.  His mental state continues to deteriorate but he can now walk a few steps and my brother tells me his demeanor is brighter.  We do have to accept (and I think we have to keep telling ourselves this again and again) that he will never get well, that the future for him is a downhill journey, and that we are slowly losing him.  My baby brother sounded so very sad today when we spoke. I hope my brother's future is filled with joy.  His son is getting married at the end of the month and my whole dysfunctional family gets to celebrate together.  It doesn't take Sabrina to tell me that this will be an interesting occasion.

In case anyone is interested in consulting Psychic Sabrina, she does make house calls, telephone consultations and even does house parties. So, for that special event - weddings, christenings, bar mitzvahs, stag nights or birthdays, this sounds just the ticket.

Results are promised in three days though there is no money back guarantee.  Very tempting!