I spent all of today singing. I come away from today feeling that singing and chanting is pretty strong medicine. One hundred people in a huge hall chanting together create quite some beautiful harmony.
I loved my day. I had booked a day of chanting with Deva Premal, Miten and Manose some months ago and it could not have come at a better time. I see that it is not difficult to stay with what's happening in the moment as you chant. I get caught up with sound and mantras and forget that I am not so happy. By the end of the day this was completely irrelevant. Happy, sad, depressed, anxious - all of these feelings disappeared today as I got caught up in repeating mantras and singing with others.
The most remarkable moments today were during a long chant of a Tibetan mantra when the entire room full of people disappeared and all there was was a crystalline purity and a 'white mind'. This was such a peaceful and beautiful all-encompassing feeling, place and being that I lost everything around me and was simply anchored to sound. What a wonderful gift to myself these moments today were.
I feel now that this past week of such heavy depression was a bit of a volcanic ash cloud that descended on me. I am so thankful it has finally moved and I can breathe easier again. I have also seen that I hide myself at these times and even my closest friends do not really know how frightening I find these depression episodes. I think that's what unnerves me so much. I am terrified of this low space and scared that the depression and the irrational feelings that accompany the mood will overtake my sense of love and responsibility to those around me. So far this has not happened and I am grateful to my strong mind for not allowing this to happen.
Right now I feel very fragile, a little vulnerable and small, but good. I will keep up the singing since it is so healing for me. I even got a gift today. My friend, Manose, who plays the bansuri and flute with Premal and Miten, gave me a gift of his latest CD - beautiful music from a very sweet and beautiful Nepalese man. Today was filled with gifts. Thank you.
Cynthia, you express it so well! I know that even if I don't go to Omega I'll have plenty of chances to chant at our ashram this summer, hooray! I plan to send your comments to Mary, who says hello. Hope you don't mind!
ReplyDeleteNamaste!
Cathie
Hi again! I just read your comments once more. I know chanting is strong medicine from personal experience! Weeks after chemo, and towards the end of radiation, went to first Omega Ecstatic Chant with Mary. It had been a harder than usual first week at school and my energy was way below normal. I even thought about not going! But she & Vincent both encouraged me, and somewhat measurable results are that my reiki practitioner said my aura at pre and post-Omega reiki sessions were incredible--he felt how low my energy was before, and when I got back it was up to 3 feet or so! In fact, I've learned that if I want any sleep before the trip home I'd better take a sleep aid, because I get so over stimulated I can't even settle down!
ReplyDeleteNice to hear from you Catherine - Miten and Premal and Manose welcomed me like a sister and sent me a lovely note today. it is just such an uplift to chant. Krishna Das is here in a few weeks so I can get another lightning hit! BTW - Happy Birthday!
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