Mornings...

Every morning I start the day with big plans.  I feel energetic and enthusiastic about all the chores I can do and things I can finally sort out.  I run around like a blue-assed fly and clear things and wash things, putting laundry on, taking the ironing out, making shopping lists and generally planning a busy day.  It doesn't usually take very long for the steam to run out and for me to feel pancake flat.  Why is this?  I have often wondered about this.

Sometimes I see that the tasks I allocate to the day aren't anything that fills me with enthusiasm and other times I just stop for long enough to realise that I am much more tired than I allow myself to feel.  Whatever the cause, if I don't get things done by 3 pm, then I might as well forget it.  The only real things that get accomplished after that are generally food related. I always have energy to prepare dinner (not surprising!).

Many years ago I read an article in some self-help book that said that waking up at  4 am was a sign of depression. As I get older I think it has more to do with having too many drinks late at night, but... What about falling asleep at 3 pm?  Is this a sign of  something sinister?  TAAT  (tired all the time) is one of the medical conditions that doctors seem to see a lot and have little medical help for.  Maybe the answer is to live the life of a lotus eater on some tropical paradise where most days require little more than having a swim, drinking cocktails and walking to the localmarket for a small snack.  I think, though, that I woulds get bored. I have to have some sort of goal or purpose.  The idea of lying on a beach for days on end sounds fine in theory but in reality is not that attractive to me.

Yesterday I painted and decorated a wooden mirror frame.  Just a small thing but it made me very happy to have paints and pens round me and to be doing something slightly creative.  I can really feel that it is time for me to start painting or doing something with my hands again.  It's been a while and I am so happy when doing these things.  I felt it the other day in the V&A museum - so much wonderful art and all of it inspired me to do things again.

For me, the answer to being tired is to just start doing something, anything.  If there is a genuine cause for my tiredness it will soon become apparent.  Sometimes it takes more effort to sit on my own energy, not do, than to do, if that makes any sense.