Mental anguish

Yesterday I spoke to a good friend of mine.  She is going through major anxiety attacks and feels herself to be falling apart.  Another old friend of mine is suffering from late mid-life crisis and has burned bridges and alientated people through outbursts resulting from uncontrollable moods. A third has essentially stopped seeing people and stays at home all the time. What is going on?

I have had many times in the past where my mental and emotional states have overtaken my ability to live a 'normal' life.  I've had occasions where all I've wanted to do is sleep for weeks on end and other times when it was all I could do to prevent myself from killing someone.  These fragile times are generally accompanied by bouts of binge eating and rapid weight gain.  All in all, not a pretty picture.

I have great empathy for my friends and feel well-equipped to offer a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, but I wish I had some answers.  There are lots of things to try and sometimes the state I had dropped into left me with enough energy to actually motivate myself to do something, but sometimes it was all I could do to swallow a pill that I hoped would have a magical uplifting effect.  Invariably, it didn't.  In talking to my friends I feel so sad for them and so poweress to help.  They all have loving partners and my heart goes out to them too.  I know what it is to see the helpless frustration that Ralph goes through when I am in a bad way.

I have had a lot of therapy and I mean a lot of therapy.  I am a master at working out the whys and wherefores of my depressions.  I can unravel all the reasons and usually come up with rational explanations for why I am continuing to suffer from the irrational states I go into.  What I've found is that none of this actually helps.  None of the background, history, life events or genetic inheritance analysis helps me to change my responses.  I believe that some of this is chemical.  My body goes into a state that I can't control, but I have come to see that I have a great deal of control over how I react to my body chemistry. I can be in charge.

One of my friends said that she found it impossible to understand how she could have fallen into this 'bonkers' state, to yuse her word. I also wonder how someone who has successfully lived for over 50 years, has a successful career and has raised a wonderful family can fall off the sanity wagon so quickly and forcefully.  It does make everything feel very precarious.  If it can happen to her, it can happen again to me, but at the moment I feel very strong in myself.  I feel like I have been preparing for winter SAD for a whole year and my defences are in place and ready.  I guard against the spiral of negative thinking that peaks its ugly head up and tempts me to listen.  I guard against the exhaustion that has no basis in fact.  I feel lucky that I have some work for November and December, but must also be alert to the possibility of temper tantrums and flare-ups that have messed up my work relationships in the past.

All of this leads me to clearly see that the only genuine help I have to offer my friends is friendship.  When life feels to much and they are narrowing their boundaries and their worlds to what feels effortless and safe, I can bring love and care.  That's the only thing I know helps.  It doesn't solve much, but it's all that I really know.