Optimistic or mad?

This morning when I woke up I felt so remarkably relaxed that I felt like I was inhabiting the body of a stranger.  I was up before 6 am and standing at the ironing board a few minutes later.  As I had promised I ironed a shirt for my beloved husband and then carried on ironing and even repairing some of my own clothing.  After that I stopped, prepared my yummy healthy breakfast of blueberries, cottage cheese and almonds and sat down to watch early morning television.  The sense of relaxation stayed with me and I slowly pulled my morning self together and showered and dressed ready to face the outside world. "No rush", I thought as I laid down again for another half hour of internet browsing and musing about the day.  Eventually I went out, did some food shopping, pottered around in some second-hand  shops, chatted to my old lady friend for a while and finally finished up in a local cafe with a coffee and danish pastry while I perused the daily papers.  I cannot remember feeling so unpressured, so chilled and deserving of such a morning.

"Who are you?" What have to done with the real Cynthia?"  This is not the person I recognise at all.  I heard myself chatting to a local shopkeeper who was complaining about the continuing cold weather and I actually said I like these days of late winter and early Spring.  After all, Spring is just over the horizon and there is a wonderful feeling of expectancy in the air. "Who is this person saying these things?  What have they done with the glass-half-empty Cynthia?" I even suggested to one of my regular shopkeeper contacts that I was a bit worried that I was bi-polar and maybe this was the beginning of the manic phase?

Now that I sit back and reflect on where this unfamiliar optimism comes from I think I begin to understand a bit more.  Today I woke up with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. I am aware of all the things in my life that are really pretty wonderful and just for this moment I forgot to take them for granted. In this mood of warmth, nostalgia and gratefulness I thought I would like to begin to make one of those lists that the many self-help books on my shelves suggest are a good idea, so here goes:

• I am grateful for my children. For having a beautiful, strong, courageous daughter who goes through life facing every challenge with strength and beauty and for being loving and caring and open always. For having a son who is warm, loving, responsible and funny and a man of integrity. I am grateful for the love that they inspire in me and give and receive from me and to me.  This is a rare blessing.
• I am grateful for my husband, Ralph.  Loving him has taught me more about myself than I would have been brave enough to learn on my own.  Not only is he the best schoolteacher that any child could wish for, he has also been my teacher and helped me to become the person I was always meant to be. My heart almost bursts when I allow this love.
• I am grateful for my beautiful, chaotic, cluttered, dusty home.  My home is a safe haven for me . When the world feels dark and insecure my home always feels like a lovely security blanket.  It's big and sprawling and filled with my history and I love it.
• I am grateful for the knowledge that I can create this safe haven in another place.  if I need to move, sell these four walls, I am delighted that I know I can do it again.  I am certain that I can create another nest because I will always have that ability.
• I am grateful for the ability to express myself creatively.  Whether it is through words, since I love to talk, or in writing, painting, sculpting, knitting, sewing, cooking or singing, I can express myself well and sometimes really beautifully.
• I am grateful for the work I do and the people I connect with through this work.  I am grateful that I have some small part in changing the world in a positive way and for being able to guide people towards a greater appreciation of each other.
• I am grateful for all the people I love, for friends and family and all my teachers.  I have a blessed life.  I am lucky to be able to live in such an easy way.  I have more than enough and am slowly, at the ripe old age of 61, learning to relax and enjoy.
• I am so grateful that it is not too late to learn that life is so good.
• I am grateful for today.