I know that it is not simply religion for me. I have never really spent too long thinking about whether or not I believe in god. I don't actually think I believe in any sort of external god that sits in judgment of my behaviour or knows my thoughts. I don't believe in the power of prayer in the way that my mother-in-law did - if you pray hard enough you might win the lottery, come through surgery, fly safely or arrive home on time. I don't go to a synagogue. I used to belong to a congregation and looking back I see that it was for the sense of belonging to a community I thought I would find there rather than a genuine belief in a religious way of life.
When I was a child my parents were very lax in religious matters. There was no kosher home, no prayer and no rabbinical decrees to live by. We never discussed synagogue attendance and the idea of living by the rules of orthodox Judaism was never a consideration. Indeed, my mother's cousins who were very observant Jews were considered odd and a bit frightening. I was Jewish by association, by heredity and through osmosis.
What does this mean to me at this time of year? Passover is a special time. For me it is not religious belief that causes me to mark this festival of eight days. The historical story of the Jews having been freed from slavery in Egypt to wander in the desert for forty years is a powerful one. The exhortation in the story of this exodus from Egypt to tell this story to our children and to tell it not as if it happened to Jews of generations past, but to tell it as if we, today, were freed from slavery, is an incredibly powerful and evocative one. Every year, as we sit at our family table and re-tell the same exact story, I am struck by the force with which this fact, that we are to consider this story as if we ourselves were enslaved and now we are free, makes me appreciate the life I have now. It makes me aware of and grateful for, the freedom I enjoy.
These ancient stories give form and comfort to our lives. They help us make sense of a sometimes nonsensical world. Being Jewish, by birth and race, has deep ethical meaning for me. It means that I do not get to turn away from doing right things in my life, from living a principled existence. It means that family is super-important to me. It means that I question my values and hold them up for inspection. Doing the 'right' thing is not the same as doing things right. It's about being better than I think I can be and more caring and compassionate.
I love being Jewish. It's a funny thing to say. It's an immutable fact. I could convert to Christianity, Hinduism or be a Buddhist and I would still be Jewish. Biblically, we are supposed to have been the people chosen by god, chosen for what, I'm not sure, but I believe that it refers to being chosen to live a moral and ethical life and to act as an example to the world. Do I believe this. No, not really, and yet as a group, Jews are more likely to be found in caring professions. We are often the doctors, the counsellors, the therapists and the social workers of the world. There is a tremendous need in us to fix things, to make things better.
During the eight days of Passover we have always stopped eating bread as is the custom. The story goes that the Jewish people fled from Egypt so quickly that they didn't have time to let bread rise, so they ate unleavened flat bread. Eating matzo for eight days is a nice change from our normal routine and a simple way to mark out this different time of year. I get very inventive with cakes and unleavened foods. Food is part of my being Jewish - we definitely have some of the best foods related to our culture.
So the question still is for me, what is this thing called Judaism. it is not related to Israel for me. The country is not the same as the religion, nor is it the same as the cultural group I belong to and identify with. It is the Yiddish language and culture. It's just me. I revel in it, I enjoy it and I also am aware of how dear a price my relatives paid for it. It is who I am.
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