Today I did not move. Seriously, I did not move, except to make drinks and pee. I stayed in bed all day and slept for a good part of it. I cancelled a day's work, am now much poorer and am feeling embarrassed and ashamed to have given in to so much negativity.
STOP IT! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER! ATTENTION SEEKER! All of these are things I hear myself saying to myself and yet today I just couldn't do it anymore. Usually I can pull the public Cynthia together enough to work, but not today. I woke at 4am and tried hard to visualise myself in front of my group and I could only see me crying. I went back to bed and stayed there.
I do not know why. I know that it's tied up to realising how deeply attractive opting out of everything feels right now, so I am going back to bed.
Reasons I am still here:
Ralph
My kids
My brother
My friends
Inertia.
No more to say today...it always gets better, so far.
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