Memories of a teacher...

It's now been eight years since my old friend and one of my beloved teachers, Frank Natale, died. I thought that today, the anniversary of his death, his birth and the summer solstice, was an appropriate day to remember some of the things Frank brought to my life.

I met Frank in New York in about 1978. I was in a bar in Manhattan with an old friend and as we were having a drink a man walked in, laughed this hugely guffawing New York sound, turned to us and lifted the robe he was wearing to reveal... nothing underneath!  Well, that was the first time I saw Frank. It wasn't the first time I heard about Frank. For many years my friend, Veeresh, had told me stories about his wonderful, inspiring teacher and mentor, Frank. He was the co-founder of Phoenix House, a therapeutic community for addiction in New York, where he brought and incorporated the work of Synanon. His reputation as a crazy and spontaneous group leader and creative designer made me keen to meet him.  The New York meeting was brief and I remember thinking that he sounded more like a New Yorker than anyone I had ever met, also he had the slightly menacing air of someone out of the Sopranos!

My next meeting with Frank was in a more therapeutic setting.  In 1979 I was a staff member in a one month group, Bodhidharma, in the Villa Volpe.  The group was in a paradisical setting in the hills above the Lago Maggiore in Italy.  Frank Natale was on the staff and arrived a few days after I did.  He was certainly an explosion of a man.  He brought with him his own atmosphere and an expectation that around him, anything could happen.  He and Veeresh were great friends and they seemed to encourage the madness in each other, as well as bringing that energy to our group.  Being around Frank was exciting, fun and quite a learning experience.  He took risks with people and created an electric environment. I so enjoyed hanging out with him that summer, meeting him as a friend and working with him.

Over the next few years I met Frank intermittently in Holland, in Amsterdam and at the Humaniversity.  In June of 1984 my son, Ben, died.  As a family, we were more than devastated by this and it was in the summer of that year that Frank was in Holland at the same time as we were.  He had just developed a course in creating results in your life - how to manifest what we choose for ourselves.  He had just completed running a pilot course at the Humaniversity.  When he met Ralph and me he really was at a loss as to how to help us out of the sadness and despair we were in, so he gave us the Results Course as a gift.  Frank got all the teaching tapes together and offered us the possibility of having one-to-one weekly sessions with him by telephone to Texas, where he was living.

I remember thinking that I was not ready to look to the future yet, but decided to try to, step by step, go through the eight weeks of the course. What a gift this turned out to be. It didn't change the heartbreaking reality we had to live with and process, but it enabled me (and Ralph) to look forward to creating something positive in our lives.  Frank was right there at the end of the phone whenever we needed him and guided us very gently and with great love, through eight weeks of healing.

During the next ten years of so I worked with Frank many times including on his Life Skills and Esoteric  training programmes.  During those workshops I found strength to really heal my relationships with my parents and further cherish my relationship with Ralph.  I particularly remember a session that Frank led about forgiveness.  I had never even thought about forgiveness.  I didn't really understand what that meant and Frank brought something very new to me. I wrote a long letter during a workshop weekend to my parents, thanking them for everything they had done for me.  For many years I had been busy blaming my parents for all the things they hadn't done for me, so this was a new direction.  The letter went on for many pages.  I remember reading this to a partner in the workshop and sobbing with gratitude.  I really began to see my parents as people, doing the best they could for me.  After the workshop I posted the letter to my parents and even today, when I think back to the wonderful phone conversation we had following their receiving the letter, I feel so much gratitude to Frank for creating that opportunity.  So many things changed for me during that time.

Like all the remarkable teachers I have had, Frank was not an easy man.  There were times when he seemed to be hell bent on alienating everything and everyone in his life. He was a great fan of legal solutions to interpersonal problems.  I think anyone who knew him would say he was not easy, but when have inspirational people been 'easy'?  It is their very complicated selves that cause us to look deeper into our own selves. Frank taught me tools for living for as long as I knew him.

During the lat years of Frank's life, as he fell ill, he left Europe and went to live in California.  During one of my visits to San Francisco to see my daughter, we went to visit Frank in the small house he was living in in Petaluma.  I was shocked to see how ill he was and I was very uncomfortable in the surroundings we were in - the discomfort wasn't Frank's, it was mine.  I didn't want to see him like that.  We only stayed for a few hours and then returned to San Francisco.  Frank phoned when we got back to say he wanted to see us for longer and would come to San Francisco the next day. He came to my daughter's flat, with Ichiko, his wife and Jason, his son.  We stayed together for the entire day, reminiscing, laughing and sharing so many good times and hard times we had been through together.  It was a wonderful day, filled with the bonds of friendship and warmth of family.  Frank phoned us afterwards to say how special it had been for us to spend that day together and include our children. I cherish that day since it was the last time I saw Frank.

His death a number of months later did not surprise anyone.  Frank chose to stop treatment for his illness and allow himself to leave his diseased body.  He was surrounded with people he loved and who loved him on the beach in Hawaii. I like to remember something he said to a friend shortly before he died.  He assured him that dying consciously wasn't that difficult. 

I guess, when I remember Frank, I like to remember that living consciously is the more difficult, but he helped me so much along the way.  Thank you Frank.  Thinking of you with love today.