Feeling better...

I am so pleased that the sun is shining and I am up and about today.  I woke this morning and felt immediately better.  I've had two absolutely indulgent days in bed. I am so lucky to have the luxury of being able to take time out to get better.  I only work part-time and I never take for granted the bliss that having time for me, is. Ralph, who has hurt his back, doesn't even entertain the idea of taking time off to recover.  He soldiers on regardless. 

I spent two full days flat out in bed.  I read, watched TV, slept and didn't drink enough.  I never do and yet I seem to have survived fine for over 61 years. I don't even feel all shriveled.  I am never thirsty.

My bed has always been such an easy place of refuge.  When I was a teenager, I would come home from school and lie down.  This was the natural thing for me to do.  Was I a particularly lazy teenager? I don't think so, but I was often depressed, so I know that bed became a safe retreat from an uncertain world.  I still have this sense that if everything gets too much, I can always sleep, or at least pull the blankets up over my head.  Some kids I grew up with would be punished by being sent to their room.  I never, ever had my own room (poor me!).  I shared with my brother until I left home to get married, then I shared with Ralph.  So, going to my own room was not really an option during my growing up, but pulling the blankets up and sleeping always was.

I think I finally let go of the need to always go to bed at the first sign of melodrama or feelings I couldn't cope with after I was in hospital for 28 days having my back operated on.  I came home from hospital and spent a further few months pretty much in bed (and in pain) and I think, finally, I had had enough.  I don't need to retreat so much anymore.

On some level, I loved it. No duties, no responsibilities. I also know I loved my duvet days in the same way that a child loves their security blanket, or loves their pacifier.  It's fine for a while, but not really something that adults do when they actually live in the world.  I now allow myself these days when I am truly not well and as I said, even though I feel ill, I like the luxury of the not-doing, but the sore throat and achy muscles, I can live without.

So, today the sun is blazing through my dusty windows, the house is talking to me in that voice that starts quietly and then eventually shouts 'Clean Me'! As soon as I feel better I'm sure I will, but for the rest of the day I am going to be wirh myself, still recovering, but well on the road to health.  Hallelujah!