Sometimes, after arriving home after a lengthy absence I am able to be objective for a brief instant and see my home and my beloved in a fresh light. Seeing Ralph after almost two weeks away was wonderful. He looks great and feels even better. The house... well, the house is another matter.
The subsidence cracks persist and in order to feel relaxed about it I have to consciously send myself off into a state of denial. Don't get me wrong, this is an easy process for me, almost a default setting. I do it all the time, but it still creeps up and disturbs me. Ralph has repeatedly assured me that my house is not falling down, but the lady on TV who does property programmes does not give the same advice, so who knows. All I can do is trust.
Our house is stuffed with things and mainly books and papers and clothing. Do you think those de-cluttering people might help? I am afraid that I will go into crazed, maniacal whirlwind mode and throw away everything, including things we want. It's happened before and caused no end of relationship problems. Time to turn on the vision denial button again.
Meanwhile I have arrived back with a cold. I haven't had one for some time and I'd forgotten that sneezing, sore throat, runny nose, aches and pains also come with a complete regression. I feel 10 years old, pathetic and totally demotivated. Maybe this is my body's way of telling me that I have been on emotional roller coaster for the past week, plus three days of airplane journeys and I should just stop and take a break. Whatever the message, I feel awful and if not left alone, I will actively complain.So just stay out of my way. (Did I also mention that when I get sick I am very, very tetchy?)
I will emerge and write more when I feel better, but for now, tea and toast beckons.
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