New Directions...

The ad should read:

"One slightly past middle-aged creative woman with loud mouth, good sense of humour and a lot of heart, looking for a new project to fulfill this sense of unfulfillment of which  she is ever-increasingly aware. Must be partially sedentary and under no circumstances should involve sport, children or animals."

I need a project. Something wonderfully creative, not too taxing mentally since I am getting older and don't want to have to spend hours on research though as I write that, it doesn't sound bad.  I want to make something, do something, create something, but I am stymied as to where to begin.

I have boxes and boxes of things I have saved for just such moments and yet, none of them are 'it'.  I keep thinking that I'll know when I see it, hear it, read about it, but I don't. My paid work is fine, even picking up a bit, so that side of my life is taken care of.  I could throw myself into being the perfect wife, but I find little satisfaction, beyond the ordinary, in that.  I already love and care for my self and my husband, though I credit that this may not be his opinion.  Men always seem to want more.

I was tossing and turning in my bed last night, unable, once agin, to sleep and realised that I'm still a bit jet-lagged.  I thought I would make use of the insomnia moment and planned how to bake cheesecake for the now open restaurant round the corner.  I will use the restaurant kitchen so as to save having to satisfy health and safety standards and come to some barter arrangement for doing the baking.  I also started to visualise this mini-quilt that I want to make out of the Japanese fabrics I have been saving.  Each time I see a kimono scrap or scarf I buy it and squirrel it away for future use.  Maybe I can finally begin that.

When I was in California I met my son's girlfriend.  I'm sure this was an anxious moment for her since those who know me will know that I am the epitome of the over-bearing Jewish mother.  Well, it was also an anxious time for me.  Would I be able to keep my mouth shut? Would I be overly nice and insincere?  Would I like her?  Would she like me?  All these questions ran round my mind and in the end it was fine, I think, or at least it was fine from my side.  I was so concerned with making a good impression I didn't ask anything about her background, family, parents, etc.  Now I would like to know some of that  .

 To get back to the point of why I introduced the girlfriend into my quest for a project - her mother sent us a gift.  A big gift.  A beautiful, handmade, double bed sized patchwork quilt that has me in awe of someone able to make wonderful things like this quilt. I want to be able to do this.  I think I could, but I also think I would never have the patience that this quilt required. I am a project starter, but not so much a finisher.

While I was in the States I went to a number of shops filled with things you don't need and will never need.  Many of the shops displayed the work of local craftsmen and artists.  A lot of what I saw selling for exhorbitant prices I realised I could easily make.  I am talented and creative enough, but I also realised that most of what I saw I wouldn't want to live with, even if I could make it.

So this is my problem - do I create something, begin (and perhaps even finish) a project that has no purpose and that I don't need or want, or do I expend my energy on redecorating the downstairs toilet?  Who knows....