Scratchy...

I just deleted the original first paragraphs of my writing this morning.  I just listened to a clip of film of Ram Das talking about his meeting with his guru, Mahara-ji.  Ram Das said his guru looked him directly in the eyes and said' 'Love everybody'.  'I can't'  was Ram Das' reply.  'Love everybody and tell the truth', was the reply to Ram Das' doubting response.  Suddenly and I mean in the flash of a moment,  I saw that the anger I felt this morning was simply a response from my ego and not from my loving heart, and the anger actually evaporated.  Just like that.  Remarkable. Now I can begin my day again with a lighter heart.

It's absolutely freezing outside.  I am having a wonderfully entertaining inner argument with myself about what I want to eat and what I should eat.  During these cold winter days I want to bake cakes, make puddings, casseroles, heavy soups and prepare general calorific foods in order to lay down stores of fat in preparation for hibernation.  Well,  I already have department stores of fat laid down and I have no time for hibernation this week.

As human beings we are not designed too well.  Animals have thick winter coats all built in and don't have to pile on layer upon layer of itchy woolens to stay warm.  Animals huddle together rather than going through their days avoiding eye contact on trains and sitting in separate spaces in over-heated or too chilly offices. Animals do not eat salad in the winter!

So today is also rant and rave day. My ego is fully operational and in fine form.  Everything seemed quite personal today.  The tree man from our local Council didn't call back - personal.  The Council denied our appeal for a traffic ticket - personal.  Someone is illegally parked in my space - personal.  In other words, the universe is conspiring to make this a decidedly unsatisfactory day and I am doing my best to cooperate by getting very scratchy.

Righteous indignation is wonderfully energising and I've been a busy little bee today. I  made a reheasal batch of potato latkes so we could practice wolfing down piles of them before tomorrow's first night of Chanukah. So far, the first 16 were good, but there's always room for improvement for the eight days of Chanukah. 

 I've fetched the menorah from the top shelf and polished it in preparation for Chanukah candle lighting tomorrow and once again shed an invisible tear for my absent progeny.  It's not the same when there are just the two of us to light candles.  My kids haven't been kids for many years though I still think of Chanukah as belonging to them.  I've sent the money for them to buy themselves presents and the rest is up to them. 

Before I finish for today I also need to acknowledge how lucky I am to have friends and teachers who whisper positive healing thoughts to me just as I need them.  I just received an e-mail reminding us to be good to ourselves and heal our spirits by remembering to do all those things we already know in order to connect with healthy spirit.  This I will take personally and try to remember.