Chili indoors and out...

Today I am making chili - hot, spicy, rich, meaty chili.  Perfect food for a winter weekend.  I haven't made this for such a long time.  It used to be one of those American staples that I cooked for dinners with friends or large parties.  Somehow, in the quest to be more fashionable and more nouvelle, I forgot all about this great one pot meal. In this weather there is no place for the delicacy of duck breast salads or light fish suppers, so chili has been resurrected from my past cookery repertoire and is bubbling away as I write.

So, there I was, in my dressing gown and big sheepskin boots, at 7am, in the kitchen up to my ears in herbs and spices.  Of course, at that very moment I decided to do my annual spice cupboard clearing.  Oy, do I accumulate cooking ingredients.  I could make curries for thousands, feed multitudes with Chinese spices or bake cakes to feed hungry hoards.  I refuse to be caught short.  What if there's a food emergency?  What if I can't make it the 100 yards up the road to the local shop?  In order to feel secure and protected I want more than milk, eggs and bread.  I want cumin and fenugreek.  I want star anise and zatar. I want South African Malay spice and Polish vegetable stock.  All this and much, much more was in the cupboard.

I found lots of packets of dried fruit, dates, currants, ginger, pineapple, orange, raisins and nuts.  I decided that rather than find tiny jars to store all these small amounts I could bake a big, spiced Christmas style cake.  I mixed all the fruits and nuts together, added a batter into which I put cinnamon, ginger, cloves, honey, brown sugar, vanilla, butter, oil and flour and eggs.  Voila!  A cake emerged from my oven about an hour ago and it's great.  I know this because even though I'm watching my weight I had to test this experimental baking.  What if it was terrible? How could I give it to anyone?  So I had no choice but to cut a slice and then, to make doubly certain that it was good, I had to take a second slice.  The verdict - great cake.  I only wish I'd written down what I did because I'll never be able to repeat this miracle of leftovers.

This is a cautionary tale because when I look back to the start of my blog exactly one year ago tomorrow, I see that I also was watching my weight then, or at least I was at a weight that felt fairly OK.  Then I started baking and cooking.  I didn't put on weight over the winter through eating shop-bought cakes and chocolates. No, I put on pounds, kilos and stones because I was eating my own cooking.  Ridiculous.  I didn't even have the willpower to not cook, never mind not eat.

So this year's lesson might be that I should just not cook, or bake or go near another kitchen. Maybe the lesson is only make things I don't like, but that's going to be difficult, because except for okra (not much call for that), I pretty much just like everything.  Also the idea of not giving myself the creative outlet of cooking just for the sake of an inch or two or four on my waistline, I'll opt for the cooking.

Now the chili is ready and some of it goes in the freezer for another cold winter night and the rest will be served on Sunday to friends. I just might have to have a small taster bowl - no good serving untasted food to friends. You can see my problem here.  Food just screams at me to be eaten.  I am trying to cultivate a love of that hungry, empty feeling whilst being aware of how lucky I am that I can eat when I choose and have more than I will ever use. At this time of year it pays to remember that. Always cultivate gratitude for cupboards full of spices, cakes, chilis and everything else that I have and sometimes take for granted.