Christmas cheer...

For the past week I stayed in my friends' place in Holland, the Humaniversity. Ralph and I went there to celebrate Christmas with some of our oldest and dearest friends in Europe. We were well aware of the Arctic weather conditions and the below freezing temperatures, but the decision to spend the holiday there was a done deal as the tickets were bought several weeks ago. The gods of travel allowed my plane to take off on time and so, we were on our way.

Turned out to have been a great decision. I felt totally welcomed and was greeted in just the way you wish your family would embrace you after a long absence. The welcome was unequivocal. The snow enveloped us all in this magical Narnia landscape and it felt like the countryside encouraged nothing more than soft muffled whispers.

In the Humaniversity community it was different. There was week long coming together group happening and the participants were gently (and not so softly, but always lovingly), being encouraged to come out of themselves and find out who they could be if they were to live life authentically.

It occurred to me, as I sat in on some of the group sessions how much we all, without exception, struggle to live our lives well.  So many of us and I include myself in this, do exactly the opposite of what it is we think we want. Our behaviour sabotages our intentions and then when the results are way off course, we are surprised and disappointed.  Sometimes we get to blame others for our veering off course and sometimes we beat ourselves up. Whatever the reason, as human beings we often make mistakes and when we do we are distressed.

Ralph pointed out to the group how important it is that we make mistakes.  We have to keep travelling unfamiliar paths and getting lost or getting it wrong so we can discover what it is that's right.  Most of the time I see that I'm afraid to take those risks, to make those mis-steps, so that I continue to tread a familiar and comfortable path, but that well-trodden path is not as exciting and stimulating as it could be. How tough it is for us to trust that what is off the road has so much possibility of joy, that to get it wrong is to also get it right.

It was great to be amongst so many friends for such a sustained time.  I felt so warmly received and so blessed this Christmas.  On Christmas Eve we shared a traditional English turkey dinner.  Funny that I had to go to Holland to do that and on the evening of Christmas Day there was a lovely Diner Dansant when we all go to dress up and dance till the early hours.  During the evening one of my friends proposed to his girlfriend.  He got down on one knee and did the whole romantic shebang, with diamond ring and 'will you marry me?' proposal.  Everyone loved it and I have to say that there was barely a dry eye in the place. A perfect moment that I was touched to share.

Now I am home and recovering from excessive socialising and few too many glasses of grappa. I have retreated to my bed and reveled in the fact that I have nothing to do for the next few days.  Yes, I have to fill out my tax forms and do a report for work, but all of that can wait until next week. Right now I want nothing more than warm blankets, hot drinks and lots old movies on TV.  I don't particularly want to relate to anyone for a bit and I know this is a bit rough on my spouse, but he also spent a week int he company of others and now has lots of work to catch up on.

London is dark and dank and misty at the moment.  Winter is in full swing.  I am still awaiting the arrival of the depression that has arrived each winter and so far, no really heavy signs.  i think it's time for me to stop waiting for this and to give up on its arrival. Maybe this year I've broken a pattern.  Maybe this year I've finally been able to make a choice to do it differently.  As I approach the arrival of 2011 I think this will be a good resolution - to do it differently, to make more new mistakes and to approach my life with courage. Who knows what new directions will emerge?