New day, new mood...

Amazing how moods can shift so quickly. Just when I've convinced myself I am inhabiting a world of meditative and calm energy, I wake up irritated with the world.  It seems like everything today and I do mean everything, is irritating and it feels deliberate.  The universe is in a vast aggravating conspiracy and it's personal.

I am angry today.  Nothing is working.  Every comment is taken as criticism by me and I really don't want to be with or near anyone.  I am even finding it hard to be next to myself at the moment.  All I want to do is destroy and ultimately hurt.  This neither feels good or healthy.

I am also able to stand back and marvel at how quickly my moods change.  Yesterday I was feeling loved and cheered and ready to take on the rest of the winter without any depression or wintry blues and today I am walking around like the 'Towering Inferno'.  How odd we are as human beings. Why is this?  What causes me to go into nuclear meltdown mode?

I have no answers for myself or for others.  I am aware that I am being unpleasant, but it's as if I'm holding hot coals, getting burned and unable to put them down. In a local Thai restaurant today I got so angry at the poor quality of the food I was ready to throw things.  Did I?  No. I was terribly English and when the waitress came to take my full plate away at the end of the meal I simply calmly said the food was bad and no, I didn't enjoy it.  I should have raised hell, but polite society demands we maintain a semblance of courtesy. I spent the rest of the afternoon angry that I hadn't said or done more.

As you can see I am still irritated and still scratchy. It is not helped by my constant sneezing and itching skin.  My allergies seem to have increased this winter just when I thought the freezing temperatures had killed off all allergens.  All in all, I am not a pretty picture today.  I just want to let off steam and have no real avenue to do so right now.  So I remain silent (when I'm not ranting).

This is tough because I am in a relationship and my poor husband is on the receiving end of so many of my mood swings.   He is often able to rise above my feelings but unfortunately we are together at the moment for whole days and he often gets caught up in my irrational anger and we wind up re-enacting 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?'. Not a pretty sight.

I am entirely open to this mood changing.  I am willing and open to waking up tomorrow morning filled with the joys of life and the compassion of the Buddhas.  Is this likely?  Ha! Right now it's about as likely as me waking up tomorrow finding myself lying on a beach in sunny Bali.  But you never know.