There is another game that has been in existence for far longer and is played universally in every language and in every place, the Blame Game. This game is endlessly adaptable. It does not need a major city and any number of people can play. The rules change according to who the 'Blamer' is and there can be any number of 'Blamees', living or dead. The 'Blamees' do not even need to be human, they can be organisations, corporations, banks, institutions, governments, God, the weather, the economy, the military or even animals. The rules of the game are fairly fluid though they always involve buying and selling guilt, apportioning blame, finding fault, planning revenge, tearing up paperwork and generally travelling round the same game board for as long as the 'Blamer' chooses. Often the 'Blamees' choose to stop playing but this doesn't really matter since there are many more 'Blamees' that can be put into their place. We never seem to tire of this game, not in the way that we inevitably tire of accumulating money and property in Monopoly, iron bars and guns in Cluedo, or even points and seven letter words in Scrabble. The Blame Game is endlessly satisfying since the main player, the 'Blamer' takes absolutely no responsibility for the outcome. It always ends up with it being someone else's fault, though there seems to never be a winner. This is an interesting game in that everyone is a loser, though some are bigger losers than others.
So, now that I've outlined the concept of this ever-popular game, the question I put to myself again and again is, 'Why do I keep playing this? What is the pay-off?' I know the outcome, I am aware of how bad I feel after having spent an afternoon playing this game and I always vow that I will never play again. For sure one of the pay-offs is that it is never my fault. I get to disavow any responsibility for anything I judge to be negative. I get to be 'Blameless".
Well, now we get to the game of "I can't help it". This is a game at which I have reached master level. I have played this in so many ways and in so many places. It's great that this game can have so many characters. You can choose to be the Overeater, the Smoker, the Couch Potato, the Procrastinator - there are endless characters. The rules of this game are simple and occasionally overlap the Blame Game. whatever behaviour you demonstrate that does not contribute to a healthier or better you, you reply, "I can't help it' and you get a Get Out of Jail free card. The more creative excuses you can invent, the further along the 'I can't help it' board you progress. Again, the big winner looks a lot like the biggest loser. Again, the pay-off is lack of responsibility.
Amazing how many of these games I could describe. I have played them all and sometimes, like today, I can sit back and laugh at the ridiculousness of the games that I play. The biggest game of all is the game called 'Who do you think you're kidding, you are only fooling yourself'. This is the ultimate game for me. The game of awareness. At the moments when I see my games and laugh I can begin to let go of them. I can begin to see that I can serve myself in more genuine ways by facing up to myself squarely and also admitting that I am better than I thinkl. Being so hard on myself is also a game.
As I sit here with 2011 looming I am willing to play a new game. It's one I have never played and I don't know the rules. It might be scary and I might not know all the rules. There might not even be rules. It's a game called 'Don't Worry, Be Happy'. I have no idea if I'd be any good at this, but I suspect that in this game the winner will actually win. I get to be responsible and I might even get to enjoy this game.
So, to all those out there who are spending the evening playing games, new and old, I wish a very Happy New Year with much love..
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