I come home to my place and it's got quite a unique style of it's own - more maximalist and Jewish kitsch than anything else. My home is crowded with object, toys, pictures, vases, paintings, plants, cushions and assorted bizarre collections of things that have accumulated over a lifetime of being magpies. It's wonderful. I find the chaos and collections very inspiring. It's stimulating to be able to rest your eye on handmade objects or paintings, drawings, pottery, or bowls we have made ourselves. I would not really change it though I still have moments of thinking that the place is cluttered and I should get rid of everything. This feeling rarely lasts.
It's also great to come home to Ralph. I missed being with him and surprised myself with how much. We have had 40 years of together and during a meditation about gratitude and saying goodbye to those you love, I clearly saw that 40 years with him is nowhere near enough. Amazing. It's good to get that back into perspective sometimes.
I'm pretty tired and happy. I have had a really satisfying few days away. Days of depth and warmth and above all, friendship. The ease with which my friends relate, the ease with which we sit down and talk about feelings and emotions, just makes coming home to Ralph so good. I am very blessed to have that ease here, in my own home. It didn't just arrive by itself. Both Ralph and I spent time and energy to create our relationship as a beautiful safe haven for the other and for ourselves and our children. We had good teachers and friends to help.
Short entry tonight. I just got home and I am weary and tired and happy. Good to be back.
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